|Connect the Dots handmade papercut for Day 55/100|
Hello friends! :)
Its been a few weeks since my last post and today I'd like to make up for it and share something special. I'll share how the discovery of my passion, my art & my love lead me to be more open and willing to connect genuinely to people.
And I think I would be able to explain it best by sharing my THEN & NOW moments. So here it goes:
Shy, quiet, awkward, snob & introvert are 5 words you may use to describe me. It takes a ton of effort for me to say hello and smile to somebody. I don't connect with people easily/naturally. I'm so lazy to bond and socialize. I think that's my natural state and that I'll be like that forever.
In parties, you'll find me quietly sitting in a corner, alone or with somebody that I know, awkwardly smiling to people, observing the place, the venue decorations & feel of the party and then deciding immediately that I should go home. I may also be (tightly) holding a drink like holding on for dear life.
A few questions running in my head every time I'm in a social event are: 'Why am I here?', 'Am I gonna smile and make beso?', 'Should I talk to this person? Do I need him in my life?', 'What am I gonna say?', 'Why is my hair going in every direction it pleases and my hangnails showing in a funny way? WHY?', 'What am I gonna do?', 'What am I gonna do with my life?' Okay, the last question is a bit exaggerated. Seriously, because I'm this complicated and busy thinking about these things bugging in my head, I often fail to be in the moment and rob myself (and other people) of supposedly great opportunities to bond, socialize and connect with great people.
I don't know why I had been like this for so long. And then I thought it could be because of my insecurities or low self-esteem. Or maybe I'm afraid to share myself to others because I don't know who I was, I don't have a sense of self and I don't know what I can offer or contribute that's worthy of other's time and attention. I know this is harsh, and sadly, this was how I'd been for so long.
I have a few close friends whom I share my thoughts and some interests with, but sometimes, even with them I felt that I lack something essential in order for me to r e a l l y connect. On a lighter note, there were times that I tried to be a little chatty, but it always resulted to a sore throat the day after. Apparently, my throat is even more introvert than I am.
...And then enlightenment came and I discovered what I'm good at and what I can share and contribute to bring joy and inspiration to people - my passion for all things crafty, especially with paper crafts and specifically with paper cutting. Hallelujah! My gratitude is sky high! :)
I'm still shy, quiet and remain an introvert but I can now socialize and bond with people in my own silent, less complicated and less awkward way. I think I can never stop being awkward, I guess its my silent signature.
I mean it when I say hello and when I smile, it reaches my eyes and it definitely came from my heart.
I'm still not that chatty, but I'm more open to meet people and I'm interested to know and listen to their stories.
I'm willing to share/contribute what I know & what I can to people who wants/needs it.
During parties or any social event, my hair still go in every direction it pleases and my hangnails are still showing in a funny way but I don't care that much anymore. It adds character and imperfections are beautiful.
Lastly, I'm able to connect genuinely because I am happy, or at least I choose to be. :)
|Day 53/100 for #The100DayProject|
'The heart is happiest when it beats for others.
- Leeanne :)